Training and Racing Is Good for the Heart

I've had a few noteworthy races this spring and I haven't written a single thing about them, so I wasn't surprised when my lovely, well-meaning friend Linda asked, "why haven't you written about the Leadville half yet?"

Here's why. I have these moments of euphoria during training and racing, and I'm even joyfully happy when I'm planning for training and racing. Maybe it's the "runner's high" we all talk about. But the last couple of months, by the time I sit to write down my thoughts after a race, I'm already back in the swamp of emotions that make up my daily life lately. I don't have the energy to write about the things that made me very happy in those moments. So I post up a happy picture and a brief comment about the day and I move along.

There's been a lot of chatter about how the stuff we see on social media isn't real, how everyone's painting a picture of a happy life for themselves and that it's fake and untrue. I've been thinking about this and I would argue that maybe that isn't the case at all.

For example, on Sunday I posted this supremely happy selfie after a bike ride - my first bike ride in nearly a year. I sold my tri bike last year. I lost my inspiration to race. But on Sunday after a really happy conversation with my parents in which my dad and I decided to race the Kerrville tri together this September, I dusted off my road bike, grabbed my very willing and wonderful friend Laura, and hit the trails. Adventure! It was amazing. I was thrilled to be back on the bike, even riding at 12 mph on a little creek path. For our whole little 9 mile ride I was laughing, remembering the freedom that only comes from putting your feet on the pedals and riding down the road to wherever you want to go, physically (and spiritually and emotionally, if you want to get really deep about it).

My picture on Facebook was an expression of pure joy and I meant it.

But, back up five hours. The reason I was on the phone with my parents was so they could help me talk through something I was struggling with, a hard decision I was trying to make with a lot of emotion around it. And yes I am perfectly aware that there are people who are poorer, hungrier, sadder, and more oppressed than me in the world and you could easily throw hashtag "first world problems" on my distress. But I was really struggling that day, having a hard time trying to think through something difficult enough that I needed my parents' help to figure it out.

I don't really want to share details here because it's not necessary, but I will say that most anytime I'm upset these days, you can be sure the root cause is that Trent is in Kansas City and I'm in Denver. Intellectually I know Trent's move out of the state this year is what's best for our future. But sometimes I can't help feeling powerless and sad and out of control of my own life when I'm here and he's there. I'm resentful about it sometimes. I'm sad and angry about it sometimes. Long-distance relationships are hard. This resonates through everything in my life right now and I am struggling a fair amount of the time.

As Mom and Dad talked me down a little bit, I imagined them gathered around their phone on speaker mode in the kitchen at home in Kerrville and I just got terribly homesick. I immediately looked up flights to Texas. Dad had said he was going to race the Kerrville Triathlon this year; I looked for flights around that date and there was one available! I mentioned the race and without missing a beat, Dad said, "yes, come for the race. You should race too." Mom agreed.

Since I was 20-something and Dad suggested running our first 10K together, Mom and Dad know that when I'm in a tough place emotionally I thrive if I have a physical challenge to chase. They're the smartest people in the world to suggest a triathlon to me at this time.

I immediately had three offers of bikes to borrow; I could write a whole separate post about the love and generosity I feel from my beautiful friends and family, both here and there. And just like that, I'm back on the bike, looking for routes around my new neighborhood, excited to race in Texas in the fall.

Triathlon helped me through a rough part of life before, when I was lost and unhappy and trying to find myself. It's going to help me through a different kind of rough time again. Besides the days that I'm with Trent, I've been happiest this year while running and swimming, so adding a bike can only make it better, right? Regardless, I'm happy to have found my way back to it, even if it's just been one little ride and I'm only signed up for one race.

As for social media - well, now you know the other side of my happy Facebook bike pic. Three days later as I write this, I'm not euphorically happy like in that picture, I'm not on the verge of tears like I was on the phone with my parents, I'm back to "normal." All of those things are real, so I'll offer a reminder to be kind and practice compassion daily. You never know what people have going on in their lives, even when they're posting truthfully happy pictures.

Thank you for reading and see you at the races, including (surprisingly) a triathlon for me this year!

The Leadville Heavy Half was a bit of a breakthrough for me. I ran 2 8-minute miles at the end of it and truly felt like I was flying through the chute. It's the first time I was really aware of the progress I'm making in running this year, and it's really exciting.

Part of my joy this year has been escorting my friend Laura along in her running journey. This is us at the Colfax Half Marathon in Denver - her first of four this year plus CIM in December!

I've also been swimming and running my way through the Stroke & Stride series this summer - a 1500m swim and 5K run held on Thursday nights at the Boulder Reservoir. I love this picture because it shows how my form has improved along with my speed. All of this is thanks to my amazing coach Nell Rojas.