Fuck Politeness: Safety First

I met you through friends that I trust.

I was nice to you because I was brought up to be a friendly, kind person. 

At first, I took your offer of friendship at face value. You were nice.

You said things that made me feel uncomfortable. I was polite.

You put me in a situation that made me feel unsafe. I extracted myself from it using caution, making sure not to let you know that I thought anything was wrong.

I made excuses not to see you, especially not alone, anymore. I tried not to be rude.

I set boundaries. You pushed them, tested them, tried to cross them. Tried to make me take them back.

I distanced myself as much as possible without being outwardly rude. You kept contacting me.

I decided it was okay to be rude. I ignored your calls and texts. I unfriended you. I blocked you. You continued.

Now, I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid that you're going to come to my home and hurt me and kill me, because that's what happens. It's a pattern, it escalates: we have all learned this. All of us have learned this but we still give the you benefit of the doubt. Until we don't.

I'm afraid of you. Read that again: I'm afraid of you. That is not hyperbole. I am not being dramatic. I am afraid of you, whether you're actually dangerous or not.

Now, I'll think twice before I'm open and kind and friendly and nice to any man I don't know. Forever. 

I'm just a being nice guy, you think. She's misinterpreting my words and my actions, you think. I just wanted to be friends, you think. But I'm trusting my instinct on this one. Even one story about "the nice guy who snapped" is one too many. So as the podcast says, Fuck Politeness. Fuck politeness: safety first. Even at the risk of you thinking I'm not a nice person.

If you're reading this and wondering if you're the guy I'm talking about? Yes, you are. And if you're reading this and thinking that sucks for all the really nice, harmless, well-intentioned guys out there, like me? Yes, it does.

Green is always for Mary, who I didn't know well, but who inspired everyone she met. 💚